Raising Accountable Kids by John G. Miller

Author:John G. Miller
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2016-09-30T11:31:30+00:00

· CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE ·

Let Them Be Them

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

—RALPH WALDO EMERSON

During a QBQ workshop with a dozen CEOs from different companies, one of the participants announced, “I’m going to take my son around the world in two weeks. He just graduated from Yale!” John thought to himself, How terrific to share time together, celebrating the son’s graduation from college, just father and son. John was then somewhat taken aback by the CEO’s next comment:

“Yep, I’m taking him around the world so I can talk him into joining the family business!”

Parenting isn’t easy and kids don’t come with instruction manuals. We grow into the job daily—if we choose to. Or, we can make common parental mistakes, such as attempting to make our children be what we want them to be.

There is a story about our only son, Michael, in John’s book Flipping the Switch. Because John has a wrestling background and Karen loves watching the sport, we both thought Michael would wrestle. But we knew there was no hope for another generation of Miller wrestlers when John took eight-year-old Michael to his first and only wrestling practice. When her “men” returned home that evening, Karen asked Michael, “How’d it go? Did you have fun?” He quickly wrinkled his nose and said, “Mom, did you know those other boys are sweaty?!”

It was over. He’d never set foot on a wrestling mat again. However, because of his theatrical, musical, and comedic talents, we found ourselves watching him onstage instead.

After John shared this story with an audience, a woman came up to him and said, “I sure wish my nephew could learn the QBQ.”

When John inquired why, she said, “Because my nephew has a sixteen-year-old boy who wants to play the oboe, but his dad wants him to play football. And since he won’t, my nephew calls his son a ‘pansy.’”

There are consequences when parents engage in name-calling in the misguided hope of motivating their children. At the very least, children may be embarrassed. But there’s a real risk of destroying their belief in themselves, along with permanently damaging the relationship with their parents. Believing that one person can change another is a fundamental mistake.

When it comes to helping a child determine his or her course in life, accountable parents know that if they’ve laid a foundation of strong values within their child, all they need to do is ask QBQs such as:

“What can I do to get to know my child better?”

“How can I encourage my kids to find their own way?”

“How can I be excited about what excites my child?”

“What can I do to help my daughter use her gifts?”

“How can I help my son realize his dreams?”

“What can I do to treat my child as a unique individual?”

Asking questions like these is the same as making the commitment never to push our children to choose any path but their own. Demanding our child become what we think they should become doesn’t teach personal accountability.

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